Second to None

by Ishbel McCormack

ishbelmcc1@btinternet.com

 “Mark! You’ll never guess what I found out.”  

“Yeah?”  I was only half listening, the football was about to start and I’d turned the volume up on the telly.

“You know how Julie’s working in London.”

Despite the ref’s whistle signalling the start of the game, I tore my eyes from the screen to stare at Mum. She whirled into the lounge, grabbed the remote, and pressed mute. A cloying smell of hairspray wafted around the room.

“Well not anymore!” She turned to the mirror over the fireplace and patted her newly- done hair, releasing more of the toxic gas. “And you’ll never guess.”

My stomach did a back flip. Julie and I had been going out but then she’d moved away. We’d drifted apart and although I hadn’t seen her for ages, she was often on my mind.

“She’s back?”

“Yes but that’s not it.”

Mum paused for dramatic effect. I could see she was enjoying building the tension, but I really didn’t like the way the conversation was going. I had a bad feeling that whatever it was I wasn’t going to like it. My insides tensed up as if anticipating a punch to the guts and I uttered the dreaded words.

 “She’s getting married?”  

“Knew you’d never guess!”

 If Mum were a footballer she’d have celebrated by pulling her top over her head and running around the room. Fortunately she settled for a triumphant finger pointing in my face. Relief spread through me, relaxing my muscles – whatever it was it couldn’t be as bad as Julie getting married to someone else. “Okay, tell me then.”

 “You could at least have another guess.”

I sensed Mum was determined to drag this out, so I thought I’d better play along or I’d never get the remote back.

“She’s emigrating?”

She shook her head looking pleased with herself.

 “She’s won the lottery, shaved her hair, run off with the circus, joined the foreign legion. Is that enough guesses?” I grinned.

“Cheeky. If you’re going to be like that...” She grabbed a cushion and threw it towards me. I head flicked it onto the carpet.

 “Goal!” I punched the air and slid off the sofa to my knees. I figured the nearer I was to the floor, the further away I was from the noxious hair fumes. “Okay, I give up – please tell me so I can have the remote back and get on with the rest of my life.”

 “She’s going to be a nun!”

I stared at Mum’s smug expression. Of all the things it could have been that was not on my list. “No, that can’t be right, you’ve got it wrong. Julie’s not religious.”

Mum didn’t seem to notice I’d turned into a chanting monk and prattled on. “I heard Julie’s mum’s neighbour talking in the hairdressers. She’s going to the convent next week.  Must be why she’s home, to see her mum before she takes her vows. Shame really. I always thought you two would get back together. Such a lovely girl but, if you’ve got a calling, well that’s it. Fancy a cuppa?” She handed over the remote and the hurricane called Mum moved out the room, oblivious to the turmoil she’d left behind.

I turned the volume on but I’d lost interest in the game. My mind drifted to Julie with her blonde hair and grey/green eyes. What colour they were depended on the mood she was in or what she was wearing. I sighed and remembered the slinky top and tight jeans she’d worn on our first date.  That evening her eyes were silvery green.

No matter how I tried I couldn’t equate this image with my Julie in a nun’s habit, but then she wasn’t my Julie anymore and that was the point. Nearly a year had passed since we’d parted.

I mulled over the devastating news. The more I thought about her becoming a nun the worse I felt. My eyes were welling up, and I never cried– not even when my football team lost. What was wrong with me? I had to get out, make sense of it all. “I’m off down the pub,” I called to Mum.

The weather matched my mood – grey and bleak – and as I meandered to my local I took a detour through the park. I paused at the bench where we’d sat, making our plans and talking about our future. If I closed my eyes I could picture us there in a passionate clinch. She always was the best kisser.

Then reality set in – Julie got a job in London – that’s when things went pear-shaped and I discovered I couldn’t do long distance romance. Yet there’d never been anyone to compare to Julie. If only I could have a second chance. I kicked a stone and stubbed my toe.

Thoroughly depressed, I limped into The Open Arms.  A girl with long blonde hair stood at the bar. She looked like Julie. My chest hammered. For goodness sake pull yourself together man, I scolded, this obsessing has got to stop. Then the girl turned around and I saw it really was Julie, her eyes were the colour of jade.

“Hi Mark.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Drinking,” she said, lifting a glass to her perfect lips.

Julie always did have a wicked sense of humour.

“Can I buy you a pint?”

“Thanks. Having a drink while you can?” I nodded towards the glass in her hand and wondered if a ‘soon to be nun’ should be in a pub.

Her brow creased. “What?”

“Thought you’d want to break the habit before you wear the habit,” I joked while cringing inside.

“Are you drunk?”

“Sorry, it’s just thrown me, this nun business.”

“I can drink whatever I like.” She frowned and edged away. It was then I saw the bottle of wine and glasses on the bar.

“You’re expecting company.”

“Shona and Carol. I bought the Blue Nun as a joke for the girls.”

“Good one.” I tried to smile but my mouth was refusing to co-operate.

She lifted the pint and passed it to me. As she leaned closer I caught a whiff of sweet coconut shampoo. It took me right back to when I’d run my fingers through her silky hair, when she was still my Julie. The sun chose that moment to peek from behind the clouds and a sunbeam lit up her face.  Her eyes turned silvery green.

“I’ve missed you,” I said.

 “Me too.”

“Really? Then maybe it’s not too late for us?” I could hear the desperate tone in my voice but garbled on. “Do you think we could give things another go? Please don’t go off to be a nun.”  

Julie stared at me as if I was a crazy man which quite frankly I was – crazy to have let her slip out of my life. Before she could answer, the door swung open, and her two mates bounced through the doorway. They did that girly squealing thing and hugged each other.

“Blue Nun!” Carol shrieked when she spied the bottle.

 “Remember the time we drank it before the school disco?”said Shona.

“And you puked over Gary Sharp,” laughed Julie as she poured them both a glass.

 “Ah, the end of a beautiful romance.” Shona sighed and clasped the wine bottle to her bosom.

I leaned against the bar clutching my pint feeling excluded from their female jokiness. What was there to be happy about? Weren’t they going to miss her?

“Speaking of romance,” Carol winked at Julie, “see you’ve not wasted any time.”

Carol nodded towards me. “But why the glum face?”

“Apparently I’ve found God,” said Julie. “I’m going to be a nun.”

There was an explosion of noise as they burst out laughing. They were so loud I half expected the dogs from the estate to join in with their howling.

I stood, pint in hand, an embarrassed smile on my face, and wished they’d let me in on the joke. It was at least five minutes before Julie could speak. “Whoever told you that?”

“Mum heard your mum’s neighbour talking in the hairdressers.”

“What exactly did she say?”

“That you’re going into a convent next week.”

Julie started laughing again. Tears were rolling down her cheeks. The other two joined in, bent over double, while I stood there all confused.

“You idiot! Your mum heard it wrong. I’m not going into a convent – my office has transferred me back here – I’m on secondment.”

The girls started shrieking again.

“Secondment.” I repeated, till my brain caught up with my mouth. “Not a convent – secondment!”

“No wonder you were freaked out by the bottle of Blue Nun,” Julie giggled, then we were all laughing.

I couldn’t help it. I picked Julie up and twirled her around in the air.

 “Do you think I’d look sexy in a nun’s habit?” she whispered as I held her in my arms.

I leaned back and gazed into her eyes which had turned a deep emerald, and I knew what that meant. “I promise you, this is the only habit I want.”  

And to prove it I kissed her again and again, because – guess what – no one can kiss like my Julie.

©2010 Ishbel McCormack

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